I’ve always described myself as a cynic. I roll my eyes at romantic movies, fake barf at public signs of affection, and I’m of the opinion that if something is too good to be true, then it really cannot be true.
But recently, I’ve had a lot of time to think about my life – the routes I’ve taken, the choices I’ve made, and the way I’ve always approached it, and I’ve realised something: I’ve always, always, always taken a leap of faith when it was required of me.
It doesn’t matter how scared I may have been at the time – how many doubts may have been in my head, how many people may have tried to steer me in another direction, how much it may have seemed like the wrong option. Once I believed in my heart that this is what I wanted to pursue, I’d go for it. And I’d be completely dedicated, in both mind and spirit.
Because my family and I moved around quite a bit during my childhood, I had to be put back a year in school a couple of times so that I could learn a new language. And twice, I decided that I did not want to be a year behind, so I completed two school years in one at the ages of 12 and 16. I was determined and I got on with it, no matter how much others tried to tell me to take the easier route.
At the age of 24, I took a leap of faith and boarded a plane to Dubai, despite the fact I had no job and minimal savings. And then, last year, I quit my well-paid job, sold all my belongings and decided to leave Dubai in pursuit of travel and adventure.
I then fell in love, ended up back in Dubai, and have spent the last nine amazing months with a wonderful man; something which I’ve given myself to, again, completely.
I’ve therefore realised during the last few weeks that despite the fact I may call myself a cynic, I don’t act like one. I always wear my heart on my sleeve, and I always go for what I want, no matter how difficult it may seem, or how uncertain the future is.
I remember at a very young age being greatly affected by the saying that goes something along the lines of: you never regret what you did in life, but you do always regret the things you didn’t do. And at this very young age, I decided this was the motto I was going to follow.
In tarot, there’s a card known as ‘The Fool.’ The Fool is always in search of experience, and has the childlike ability to tune into the inner workings of the world. As you can see from the photo of the card, he is seemingly oblivious of the fact he’s about to walk towards the end of the cliff and step off. The Fool indicates newness and the open-hearted energy of a child. In many ways, The Fool is me right now.
I find myself at another a crossroads in my life, and, yet again, I’m taking a leap of faith into the unknown. I’m scared, uncertain, and reluctant. However, as I look back over the things I’ve done, and how I’ve found myself where I am today, I realise that despite the many low points, I’m happy.
I’m happy that I’ve never been scared away from a challenge. I’m happy that I’ve always gone for what I’ve wanted. I’m happy that I have fantastic friends and family around me who support me no matter what. I’m happy I’m never frozen enough by fear to not act. I’m happy that regardless of whatever happens, I’ll never be able to ask: what if? I’m happy at how colourful and vibrant my life has been to date.
I’m also happy that no matter what happens in my life, at least I’ll have a damn good story to tell the grandkids some day.