Over the last week or so, I’ve started writing approximately five blog posts, all of which are to be found in my ‘drafts’ folder and will probably never see the light of your inboxes. This mishmash of entries gives an insight into the state my mind has been in for the past couple of months. In short, I’m scattered. I’m more scattered than I’ve ever been in my life, which is pretty scary for someone who has always prided herself in knowing exactly what she wants and how to get it (note: this includes how to get back into Rock Bottom’s after being barred).
I left Dubai in a flurry almost three months ago. I detested my corporate job and daily commute to Abu Dhabi, and was longing for an adventure. I therefore declared I was leaving to pursue one of my many passions in life – travel.
It all happened so fast; within just over a month, I’d quit my job, sold my car, packed up my apartment and said goodbye to my friends. I never had the time to sit and digest my decision properly, and to ‘mourn’ the end of one of the biggest chapters of my life. I was impulsive, which was what I needed to be at the time, but I didn’t quite realise that everything would eventually catch up with me.
For the first month or so after I left, I was in a daze. It hadn’t registered that I wasn’t just on holiday, and all that Cypriot sunshine made my soul sing. I still had a good few months to go before I embarked on my travels, so I felt like I could completely zone out of life.
And that I did, with the help of my good friend, Keo Brandy.
The first time it really hit me that I’d left Dubai for good was when the few belongings I had shipped home arrived in Cyprus. Seeing these things all boxed up made me realise – you’re not going back, Andrea. A few days later I boarded a plane and headed for England.
All of a sudden, from sunbathing and drinking Brandy Sours everyday, I found myself cooped up at home whilst it lashed it down with rain outside. As I’m trying to save money, I was also doing very little other than reading and staring into space whilst my brothers, whom I’m here to see, worked. This felt incredibly strange for someone who had a pretty damn good social life in Dubai.
And so it all hit me like a tonne of empty Champagne bottles. You’ve left Dubai. What are you going to do now?
My plan has always been to travel. Travel makes me come alive in ways that little else can, and I know for certain that taking time out to do this will be one of the best things I ever do. However, for the first time in my life, I have money saved, and having all this time to think has confused me – should I really be spending this on traipsing around the world? Shouldn’t I go back to university? Or buy a house? Or store gold?!
I will admit, I didn’t deal with these questions very well, and I’m not ashamed to say so; I’m only human after all. I spent the last month trying to avoid making any decisions, and I suddenly realised: you have to make a choice now. It all came to a climax this week when I found myself feeling incredibly frustrated at the fact I could not come to any conclusions.
I then decided: this isn’t you, Andrea. Bloody get on with it.
Sure, I can sit around and deliberate for ages, but the more I dig, the more I find that the hole is just filling with water and the answers aren’t to be found at the bottom of the pit. I feel they’re to be found out there, whilst experiencing life. The longer I sit here in Lincoln doing very little, the more I’m going to torture myself with questions that I have no answers for at the minute.
Yesterday I decided enough is enough. Occam’s razor states that when all options are equal, the simplest solution tends to be the best one. Sure, I can use the money in many equally great ways, but right now the simplest solution is to book a damn ticket out of here and work this all out whilst on the road.
I’m therefore heading to Thailand for now to see what happens. It’s dirt cheap to live there, so I figure I can buy myself some time and get inspired on what to do next whilst sipping coconut water and rum (hard life, eh?).
I’m not quite sure what shape this journey is going to take, and where I will end up over the next few months, but that’s fine. I’m realising now more than ever that sometimes, when in doubt, all you need to do is ACT. The rest will surely follow, just like a hangover always follows on after a damn good night out.